At the Feast
by Penfold66
Summary: Merlin has a little too much to drink at the feast to celebrate Lancelot's appointment as a Knight, with hilarious consequences. Series One, Episode Five. Missing scene.


Merlin was extremely excited. He was on his way to the feast to celebrate Lancelot's new appointment as Knight of Camelot. He was so proud of his newfound friend who had - against the odds - managed to best Prince Arthur in one-on-one combat and had thus earned his place amongst the elite. Although it had only been a small thing for Merlin to forge Lance's Certificate of Nobility which had enabled him to try for the Knighthood in the first place, Merlin was thrilled to have been able to help his friend out.

The very best thing about the feast, thought Merlin, was that he was there as a guest and not as a servant. He was thrilled at the prospect of being able to relax and enjoy himself just for once and had every intention of doing so!

As soon as he arrived in the Great Hall he headed for the fruit table. Merlin loved fresh fruit. It had been a rare luxury back in Ealdor even to get apples and before he'd arrived in Camelot he hadn't ever seen anything as exotic as a cherry or a grape. Grapes were magnificent things. They tasted like bubbles and sunshine as he bit into them, and fine wine as he swallowed. And the velvety feel on his tongue as he bit into a cherry sent Merlin into raptures. He would occasionally help himself to such delicacies whilst bringing them up to Arthur from the kitchens, but only ever one or two at a time and always eaten hurredly and surreptitiously. Now he had a whole plate for himself. Yum yum. He sat at the edge of the Great Hall merrilly munching away and watching the celebrations around him. He was content.

He was bursting with pride and happiness as he watched Lancelot and Arthur drinking and chatting like old comrades. Merlin knew most of Arthur's cronies and didn't like them much. They were no doubt great fighters and loyal knights but they all seemed to share his Master's less savoury personality traits. Many of them had accompanied Arthur on that fateful day when Merlin had first met the Prince, and they had thought it amusing to watch him intimidate and bully his steward and then Merlin himself. Lancelot wasn't like that. He was quite possibly the most unassuming and noble human being Merlin had ever met. He was great. The first thing he ever did for Merlin - without even knowing him - was to save his life! Merlin hoped that Lancelot and Arthur would become firm friends and that Lancelot would perhaps help the Prince to see the error of his more prattish ways.

Merlin spotted his mentor, the Physician and couldn't help sidling up to him and saying, "Look at him, Gaius, does Lancelot not deserve this moment?" The physician, obviously, wasn't in as good a mood as Merlin. "I never said that he didn't, but destiny and desserts are not the same thing". Merlin pondered these wise words before Gaius continued, "You played god Merlin, you set him on a path of your choosing. Tonight you've bought him triumph but who knows what the future may hold?"

Now, Merlin knew that Gaius did have a point and may well be right. He usually was. But tonight Merlin just wanted to be happy for Lancelot and to enjoy the party! "Yeah, I don't know what it said on your invitation but on mine it said 'celebration'?" the boy twinkled. Gaius smiled and relented, "Point taken" he said with a chuckle, "just don't come back too late".

Merlin grinned and bid him farewell. With a belly full of summer fruits and a cheery heart, he headed over to pour a tankard of mead. As he drank he smiled and greeted everyone he knew and chatted easily with the other serving staff. Occasionally he glanced over at Arthur and Lancelot and thought that they looked very dashing indeed, both wearing full ceremonial armour. Gwen had done a magnificent job of making up Lancelot's Knightly robes. The orange suited him very well, complementing his dark hair and olive skin. Almost as well as Arthur's red livery matched his golden hair and fair complexion. Merlin was lazily contemplating which of them cut the finest figure when Gwen arrived with Morgana. Interestingly, despite the fact that Morgana was dressed to kill in a backless number, Lancelot's eyes tracked Gwen's movements.

Gwen headed straight over to Merlin who couldn't help but point out that "Our Sir Lancelot might have eyes for you, Gwen". She scoffed at the very suggestion and claimed that Lance "wasn't really her type". Merlin didn't believe that for a second. The man was undoubtedly handsome and had been exceedingly charming to Gwen as she'd measured him up for his robes and she had flustered around him and blushed like a teenager. Merlin himself thought that Lance was gorgeous, so how could Gwen not?!

Merlin couldn't help himself and suddenly asked, "So come on, just for the sake of arguement, if you had to - Arthur or Lancelot?". It wasn't really the type of question that Merlin would usually ask his friend but the third tankard of mead had loosened his inhibitions and his tongue somewhat.

Gwen obviously hadn't yet been partaking of the mead. She demurely answered "But I don't have to and I never will". This dissapointed Merlin who said in dismay, "Oh - you are no fun, Gwen". He goaded her further, but she was giving nothing away and eventually headed back over to Morgana, giggling and shaking her head at him as she went.

Merlin grabbed another tankard of mead and continued his contemplation of Lancelot and Arthur.

It had only been a few weeks since Merlin had come to the somewhat startling conclusion that he was somewhat more fond of the Prince than he should be considering that he was

a)a man

b)his master and

c)a prat.

But, he had become quite content with his little bit of hero worship and had slowly come to realise that the royal arse did have hidden depths and was at heart an honourable man. Arthur's trip to bring back the Morteus flower to cure Merlin from poisioning by Nimueh had really cemented Merlin's admiration for his master. The Prince was also extremely easy on the eye, Merlin had decided. Merlin has never really been attracted to men before and was still a little alarmed that he was beginning to like Prince Arthur in 'that way'. He figured that it might have something to do with the 'intwined destinies' and 'two sides of the same coin' nonsense that the Dragon beneath the castle was always wittering on about...

So, having finally acknowledged this attraction, Merlin had been a little bit thrown by the sudden appearance of Lancelot in his life.

Now Lancelot was everything that Arthur was not. He was undoubtedly brave, having leapt between Merlin and the Griffen. The beast had been so huge and terrifying that Merlin had been too stunned to think about using his magic against it. Lance had tried bravely to fight it off and when he realised that he could not, had made sure to get Merlin away from the beast, despite already being quite badly injured. What a hero! Back in Camelot, as Lancelot recovered from the injury, Merlin was struck by how humble the man was. Despite his obvious bravery and swordcraft he thought himself unworthy to be amongst the Knights of Camelot. How different from arrogant Arthur with his claim to be "the most feared of all foes, the ultimate killing machine"!

Lance was also very easy on the eye. Not in the dazzlingly bright golden way that Arthur was, but in a sultry dark and dashing way, and without the swagger and arrogance of the Prince.

It was a puzzling conundrum. The more mead that Merlin drunk, the more it bothered him. Some time later he got up from his seat by the bar onto surprisingly unobliging legs and wobbled his way over to a group of girls that worked in the kitchens whom he had befriended on his daily visits to bring breakfast for Arthur.

"Laydees" he slurred, as he stumbled toward them, "I have a veee'y important question for you all"

They looked up at him expectantly, slightly alarmed at his unsteady gait. "Yes, Merlin?" asked young Bess, inquiringly.

"Yes, indeed" said Merlin earnestly. "So. If you had to kiss Prince Arthur or Knight Lancelot, which would it be?" He blinked around at them all in expectation. They blinked back in silent surprise.

Merlin was undeterred. "Y'see", he continued, "Prince Arthur is brave, and blonde, and muscley, and Princely, and goooorgeous. But Lance is brave and strong and not blonde and not a Prince, but he is a Knight now and he's also gorgeous. So who would you kiss?"

There was a few moments of shocked silence as Merlin looked at them each in turn, a perplexed expression on his face. Young Bess eventually said, "Errr"

"EXACTLY!" exclaimed Merlin, making the group of girls jump and drawing bemused looks from some other guests at the feast. Although there was music playing and general chatter, he had shouted quite a bit louder than he'd intended. In a quieter voice he continued, "'Errrrrrr' is exactly what my brain is telling me! I can't decide either!" he grinned somewhat manically around at them and they started to back away in embarrasment and alarm.

Just at that moment, Leon happened by and caught the somewhat worried expressions on the faces of the serving girls. He also noticed Merlin swaying unsteadily on his feet. He went to investigate. Grabbing Merlin by the shoulders to steady him, he asked, "Is everything okay here, Merlin?"

"Ooooooo, Leon!" said Merlin, swivelling his head around quickly and almost headbutting the Knight in the process. "Maybe you can help me...these ladies are nooooo help at all" (he flapped an arm in the general direction of the serving girls, almost cuffing poor little Bess in the process...).

Leon raised a curious eyebrow. "Go on, Merlin?" he said inquiringly.

"Well" said Merlin, shaking himself free of Leon's grasp and turning to earnestly stare at the Knight, "S'like this you see. There's Arthur. He's a prat, he's a Prince, he calls me an idiot, he hits me, he makes me wash his stinky socks an' he's gooorgeous and brave and gorgeous. Then there's Lancelot. He's not a prat, and he's not a Prince and he's not blonde and he's brave and he's also gorgeous."

Merlin blinked expectantly up at Leon who looked back at him uncomprehendingly.

"So?" asked Merlin

"Eh?" asked Leon.

"So who would you kiss if you had to - Arthur or Lancelot?".

"Eh?" repeated Leon.

Merlin huffed, flung up his arms in frustration and stomped off back toward the bar. These people were no help at all! He muttered to himself as he poured himself another tankard of mead and settled at the bar, propping his suddenly heavy head against the wall.

Some time later, Gwen happened by again and looked down at him in concern. His eyes were a little unfocused and roaming somewhat wildly around the room and he was blowing out big heartfelt sighs. "Is something wrong, Merlin?" she inquired.

"S' not fair" Merlin grumbled in her general direction, "He's brave an' noble an' goooorgeous and HE'S noble an' brave an' gorgeous an' noble and I don't know who I want to kiss! I thought I did an' now I don't an' s' not fair 'cos I don't know an' anyway even if I did they wouldn't kiss me cos I'm not a laydee an' I'm not pretty". His shoulders slumped down and he let out a long discontented sigh.

Gwen looked at him aghast and was just beginning to process what he was saying, and wondering about who he was speaking and to think of some words of comfort for her friend who was obviously distressed when he suddenly sprung up and stomped off out of the Hall. She followed him at a little distance. Although she wasn't entirely sure what the hell he was talking about, his tone had worried her and she didn't want him to do anything stupid. He made his way over to the stable block. It wasn't a great distance but it took him a while because his legs seemed to be acting independently of the rest of him and didn't take him in a particually straight line. He left the door open to let some light into the stalls, Gwen slipped in unnoticed and hid in the empty stall at the end of the block.

Merlin made his way along the stalls to Geva, the reddish brown mare that he always rode on. She was a placid beast and whinnied gently as he approached. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhh, 'ullooo my Lovely" he cooed, brushing his cheek against her muzzle and kissing the end of her nose. "Bought you something lovely!" . He fumbled in his pockets and pulled out a handful of grapes which he presented to the horsewith a flourish, shouting "TA-DAAAA!" as he did so. The horse's ears flicked back and forth in consternation at his raised voice but the smell of the fruit was too tempting and she soon overcame her panic at his odd behaviour and nuzzled the fruit from his palm and chewed contentedly. "Them's called grapes" he said earnestly, and they taste like the sunshine on Arthur's hair an' bubbles" His voice (and perhaps the smell of the fruit) has peaked the curiosity of Arthur's big old stallion 'Lord' who was kept in the next stall. He wickered and kicked a little at the walls. He stuck his head over the top of his door and stretched his strong neck towards Merlin and Geva, gently nipping at Merlin's shoulder to gain his attention.

"Oy you! Cut that out!" said Merlin to Lord, gently bopping him on the nose to stop him biting. "s' my only good shirt! Arthur gave it me an' i don't want horsey spit on it thankyouverymuch!" Merlin fished about in his pocket again and pulled out an apple, "bought you something too, your highness" he said, presenting the horse with the whole apple and bowing his head in mock deference. He obviously hadn't thought this action through because as he bowed over he caught his forhead on the edge of Artis's door. "ooooooowwwwww" he moaned, grasping his forhead and stumbling back and sitting down heavily against the far wall. The horses munched away and looked down at him in puzzlement.

"Y'know, you remind me a lot of Arthur" Merlin slurred, pointing up at Lord. "You're big, an'muscly an' strong an' brave an' gooorgeous, but you can be an arse an' if you don't get attention you bite me!". He stopped talking and frowned. "Akshully, Arthur don't bite me. He does hit me though. A lot!". he sighed. "Bet he'd hit me if I kissed him". he paused again. "Maybe he'd bite me if I kissed him". Silence again, and Gwen thought that Merlin may have fallen asleep in a drunken stupor and wondered if she should go rouse him and get him back to his chambers somehow. Suddlenly he spoke again. "M'gonna go an' kiss him an' see if he bites me!" He climbed up the wall to his feet and stumbled with purpose back through the door and toward the Great Hall.

Gwen knew she had to do something, and quickly. Merlin had obviously drunk far too much and his judgement was impaired. She didn't want her friend to do something that would jeapordise his job (or perhaps his life!) and would at the very least result in a visit to the stocks! She ran after him and caught his arm and swung him round. Merlin completely lost his balance as he swung and fell soundly on his backside, pulling Gwen down with him.

"Wha?" he said with a look of puzzlement on his face. He thought he had been quite alone out in the courtyard and suddenly here he was being attacked by Gwen! It was all too much for his alcohol addled brain to take in. "Where'd you come from, Gwen? Did you fall out of the sky?" He blinked up at the stars in confusion.

Gwen ignored his question. "Merlin, I think you are drunk. I think we should get you back to Gaius"

" 'm not drunk!" he slurred, still blinking up at the stars. " 'm jus' happy. I'm going to kiss Arthur g'night. Eeee's gorgeous! I wassn' sure if I wanted to kiss him or Lance, but I think I'll let you kiss Lance an' I'll kiss Arthur. He's a dollop head but he's gorgeous an' I wanna kiss him goodnigh' "

As he was saying all this, Merlin somehow managed to get himself to his feet with the gracelessness of a newborn colt. He helped Gwen up and stomped toward the sound of the feast with purpose. Gwen was alarmed. She ran after him and pulled at his arm and tried to reason with him, but he was determined and surprisingly strong considering how thin and gangly he was! She was determined however, and grimly hung onto his shirtsleeve, at least slowing his progress.

It was thus that Lancelot found them as he left the hall. He too, had made rather merry and was feeling a little dizzy so was heading out to the courtyard to clear his head a bit. He was walking with his head down, concentrating on not tripping over the flagstones and so walked headlong into Gwen and Merlin who once again lost his footing and bought everyone down with him in an undignified pile. After scrabbling about on the floor for a few seconds, Merlin blinked up at Lancelot who was sprawled across him and Gwen.

"Wotcha doin' on me, Lance?" he asked in puzzlement. "I'm going in to kiss Arthur g'night, an' maybe he'll bite me. Let me get up 'cos I thought about it. A lot. An' I think you should kiss Gwen an' I'll kiss Arthur"

Lancelot got himself unsteadily to his feet and looked in confusion between Gwen and Merlin, before pulling them both to their feet again.

"I'm so sorry" blushed Gwen, "I didn't mean to knock you down. I'm trying to get Merlin to go home...he's very drunk and I'm worried about what he might do!"

Lancelot's head cleared a little as he took in the situation and noticed how unfocused Merlin's eyes were and how much he swayed. "It's okay, Guenivere" he said, grabbing Merlin around the waist and pulling the boy's arm over his shoulder, "I'll make sure he gets home safely". He bowed his head at Gwen and looked deep into her eyes.

"Thank you so much! You're my hero!" said Gwen and leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. Lancelot was startled briefly and stiffened, looking at Gwen with wide eyes. She pulled back and bit her lip and started to apologise. "Sorry, sorry..." she said.

"...no! no! Not at all!" replied Lance, leaning back towards her to reciprocate the kiss. Their lips were almost touching when suddenly Merlin bawled rather loudly, "LANCELOT! STOP CUDDLING ME! I WANNA KISS THE PRINCE GOODNIGHT! GEWRROF ME! LEMMEE GO!"

He had shouted so loudly that the guards at the entrance hall came along to investigate. Gwen hurried off back into the hall and to Morgana. Lancelot smiled apoligetically at the guards and dragged a still protesting Merlin off towards Gaius' chambers. After a while Merlin realised that it was pointless to continue struggling against Lance's superior strength and let himself be led. Once back in the Physician's chambers Lancelot did his best to drag Merlin up into his room without disturbing Gaius too much. This was only a limited success since Lancelot wasn't entirely sober himself and in his drunken state Merlin's limbs seemed longer and ganglier than usual. Miraculously, nothing was broken but they did manage to knock a pile of books off the table and sent two chairs sprawling. Gaius grumbled and rolled over in his sleep.

Once back in Merlin's room, Lancelot dumped the boy unceremoniously on his bed. Merlin was pretty much in a drunken stupor by now. Lancelot struggled to get the boy's boots off and undid the belt at his waist without too much trouble. Despite his own drunken state he was rather worried about Merlin choking on his neckerchief and was just puzzling out how to untie the damned thing when Merlin's eyes flickered opened, saw Lancelot's face hovering just above his own, grinned widely and before Lance could react Merlin pulled him down into a hug which overbalanced him and bought him crashing down onto the boy. Merlin planted a sloppy kiss right next to Lancelot's ear and slurred, "no Lance, 's alright. You should go an' kiss Gwen. You is gorgeous but I don't wanna snog you. Only Arthur".

"Only Arthur...only Arthur..." he repeated softly as he loosened his grip and started snoring.

Lancelot pulled himelf out of the embrace and as quietly as he could took off his chainmail and ceremonial robes. He left them in a pile on the floor before tiredly flopping down onto the pallet beside Merlin's bed. The room was still spinning as he drifted off to sleep, but he was sure that Merlin would be much more hungover than him in the morning...


End file.
